Unrequited
by Ritsu Orihara
Summary: Rin never knew what 「love」was, but he knew that whatever Makoto stood for, he felt drawn to. He wasn't about to give his heart to someone who wouldn't reciprocate, but sometimes it's better to just let go. So he'll 「like」Makoto, even though he knew the feeling wouldn't be mutual. (Linked/standalone oneshots)
1. Chapter 1

When Rin first met Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa, he thought that he would have a lot of fun with these people. When going on the topic of swimming, the four would bond naturally, as though they have been together for ages. Rin naturally felt at home with the the trio, and the three had thought similarly, sharing the mutual love for swimming and water. The four of them bonded over little conversations and pranks played more on Rin's behalf, and the rest of them shared popsicles on a summer day. It felt warm, happy and joyful.

Rin didn't know when it happened that he felt weirdly attracted to Makoto, but it wasn't an attraction, he thought, it was the mother-hen attitude Makoto had towards everyone that really made Rin felt safe. The caring smile, the tall stature and the warm radiating from the taller boy that made him happiest when he was swimming with them. And when he shot Makoto occasional glances, he noticed the affectionate attitude and looks he had for the three of them—like underlings, but not.

Rin didn't know why the taller boy had this effect on him, but he was glad. Day after day, he would constantly imagine Makoto's face, the same smile he had on every single day, and the tender look he had on. It made his heart warm, and nobody else had this effect on him—which was strange for Rin, but he chose to accept this feeling and moved on, though still not quite sure what the meaning behind the overloading emotion was. He was only in elementary school, then.

Sometimes he wished he hadn't met the people he did, and sometimes, he felt as though he was the happiest and the luckiest person alive to have met his friends. On some days, he'd stay at home, and play with locks of his own hair while imagining a scene where everyone was enjoying themselves in the open sea, swimming freely.

The first time he felt truly scared was when Haruka drowned in the creek one day. He wasn't sure how the fear came about, but he knew the main source wasn't from the fact that Haruka was drowning (although he still felt immense fear because the raven-haired boy was one of the people he would call a friend), but because Makoto, the person who was always calm, always organized, always level-headed, had broke into a fit of tears, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't erase the image of Makoto's immense fear.

He thought that if Makoto was anything but level-headed, the world would come to an end. But at the moment, he realized, when Haruka had fallen into the creek and nearly drowned, Makoto's world did come to an end. And no matter how many times he tried to deny himself that fact, the reality stood right in front of his face, reminding him of the bitter fact that he would never set feet on the number one spot in Makoto's heart.

But he comforted Makoto anyway, and even though Makoto had dismissed any concern meant for him, Rin knew that the only thing that mattered most was Haruka's safety. Rin knew that the most. And because of that, he felt a little bitter. And still, the bitterness wouldn't subside. Yet at that moment, Rin knew that no matter how much his heart hurt, part of his heart was incredible concerned for Haruka's wellbeing.

And that was that.

Makoto's fear of the ocean was something Rin knew about. Sure, he wasn't there to witness the actual event, but he knew about Makoto's immense fear of the sea, swallowing up the people he cared about most. He never pushed the subject and made Makoto talk about it, but he could sense the tension between the two, and he wasn't insensitive enough to make Makoto get over it. Sometimes, he'd sit beside Makoto when Haruka was swmming in the indoor pool and accompany him as Nagisa and Haruka did their laps. He had heard Makoto say once,

「Haruka is like a dolphin.」

Rin had no comment for that, except to nod and agree with what Makoto was saying. He had no objections to Makoto's words, and no matter how much he wanted to deny that, he had no counter-objectives, and somewhere in his mind and heart, he knew that no matter what he said, it wouldn't override the love Makoto had for Haruka. So he did.

「Rin?」

The redhead lifted his head abruptly to the call, and twisted his head so that he was facing Makoto face-on. The green-eyed boy had a concerned look on his face, and Rin felt as his cheeks reddened slightly. Like he had been caught with something super embarrassing. But Makoto seemed to have misunderstood his embarrassment for some kind of illness and leaned over to brush his forehead against Rin's, as the worrisome face blurred Rin's vision severely.

Rin reacted violently as he pulled back, nearly knocking Makoto into the water. The red hue on his face deepened almost instantly as he slapped a hand over his forehead, stuttering his words out as he tried to question (explosively) Makoto's actions.

「W-w-wwhat was that for?」

Makoto rubbed his butt, which had helped ease his fall slightly as he climbed back on the bench to reclaim his seat next to Rin. 「I thought you came down with something...your face was a little red, Rin.」

Rin covered his face, really quick, and denied all accusations towards him. 「I—it's not—I—it's nothing-!」 Still red in the face, he managed to twist himself a little too hard and thrown himself into the pool, and Makoto jumped in after to help the other up again.

「Rin-? Are you ok...?」 All movement halted in the pool as everyone gathered over Rin, who was flushing beet red as a result. Embarrassed, he jolted from the pool and darted outside where he could get away. He was unaware of Makoto's footsteps follwing a little ways behind him.

「Rin...!」

Once they were outside, Rin crouched near a tree, tears on the verge of spilling out. Makoto had found the crying boy not soon after, and placed a gentle hand on the redhead's shoulder, soothing him as he cried. 「I'm sorry,」 Makoto said, his voice was hushed, barely above a whisper. Rin had not wanted Makoto's apology, but kept his heart buried in his arms, his shoulders shaking lightly.

And they stayed like that for a bit until Rin hesitantly lifted his head to stare at Makoto in the face. The seemingly older boy had that same smile on. It bothered him, but at the same time, comforted him knowing that Makoto would remain the same no matter how many trials of hardships he had faced. And that was how he knew the weakness hiding behind the everglowing smile.

_「__No matter how hard it may seem, there's always a way out.__」_

Was that Makoto's mantra? What that the only line in his life that kept him sane? Rin didn't know what to make of it, but he knew that no matter how hard Makoto tried to hide it, the past would always find a way to get them back. And he was afraid—Rin was afraid.

Afraid that Makoto wouldn't be strong enough to brave through the toughness without the rest of them by his side.

Fear—the first instillation of fear in his life. Through Makoto's distraught eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Rin had never thought that Makoto would be the type of guy to panic or show his distress. He always felt that whenever things got rowdy or out of hand, Makoto would be the first one to stop the fight or the source of trouble. Of course, every single time, Makoto would manage to sort things out and make everybody happy again.

That was Makoto's true strength. Rin admired that feat from afar, and sincerely wished that he had something similar in his own set of skills. However, he never felt jealous or envious of Makoto's personality and his tranquillity, and yet, by the exact measure, he felt pulled by the force of attraction to harbour something for the taller boy. When something blossomed into his heart, he felt bothered by the stray and raw emotion slowly disturbing his normal flow of feelings and when he had finally found some calm in him, the image of Makoto's smiling face haunted him endlessly.

It was a moment of realization for him when he started out maturing, and realizing something he had never noticed before. The strange emotion of 「like」 felt foreign to him and yet at the same time, he felt as though it was so familiar to him. He had never fallen in 「like」 before, even though he wouldn't deem it any sense at the current state of mind.

Looking back on all of it now, he knew that when these things had came to pass, his own emotions would slowly reveal itself to him and to make him understand the nature of it all. Yet, when his emotions became jumbled up because of Makoto, he really didn't know what to make of it, much less being able to untangle his messed emotional wires from each other.

Because sometimes he understood, sometimes he didn't. And when he had caught wind of the strange emotion that was instilled into his mind, he had been too late—it had already became a part of him, engraved into his personality, thrusted him into a world where he would forever fade to the colour green. Still, he lived in the green-hued world, as it had become the one thing he had held on most dear to.

Jealousy.

But he had not tasted jealousy until Makoto's appearance, and yet, not birthed from Makoto's existence, but from the people Makoto associated with. Rin had known right from the beginning that Haruka stood fully in Makoto's heart, and yet, he couldn't help but yearn for something that was more than just a friend.

There was a reason why he hadn't seen eye to eye with Haruka at some parts, and even then, his relationship with Haruka was a friendly rivalry. Just like that, his jealousy grew larger, and his envy poured and spilled over, his heart thundered with each passing second. Haruka was better than him at swimming, better at him in getting Makoto's attention. And the worst? Haruka had Makoto's undenying and unbroken attention and affection.

Rin's world began to grow a little darker with each passing minute. It wasn't long before he felt his mind completely tortured by jealousy and envy.

But green was such a beautiful colour. It was the colour of Makoto's eyes. And he loved Makoto's eyes, more than anything, because Makoto's eyes made him feel safe, warm and calm. So, at the end, he learned to live with this jealousy, bearing the pain he had to shoulder when he realized that Makoto's heart would never belong to him.

When Rin first kissed Makoto, it had been an utter mistake. It was the two of them playing along in the change room when they were younger, and Rin had stepped on a slippery tile. Makoto, being the boy with his mother-hen instincts, had reached out to help the falling redhead. Still, even though it had landed unsuccessfully, with Makoto atop Rin, his lips conveniently slammed into Rin's. The two scrambled up, Rin especially red while Makoto was scratching the back of his neck meekly.

Both were embarrassed, Rin knew, but he wished he had made the situation less weird by acting normal afterwards. Because Rin, not knowing his feeling, had spent the whole week avoiding Makoto. Cluelessly following the redhead, Makoto had questioned as to why the redhead was avoiding him, to which Rin answered that he wasn't really avoiding Makoto...but he was, somehow. Upon seeing Makoto's blue expression, Rin had covered that he was still self-conscious about the changeroom incident, Makoto's cheeks gained a bit of colour as he rubbed at the back of his neck and told Rin to not worry about it.

And Rin did, with some time.

Still, as time passed, Rin had wished he was the one who had seized Makoto's heart completely. Even though he wasn't the first one to meet Makoto or know the boy, he wanted Makoto to look only at him. The desire to completely conquer Makoto's heart, body and soul wasn't about to become smothered by someone else's active affection. Rin was competitive—for swimming, for athletics and Makoto's heart.

He wasn't about to stop.

So when he had answered Makoto's call that day when Makoto had asked him to join Samezuka's swimming team, he asked to meet the teen somewhere. And before he realized what he was doing, he had already been intoxicated by Makoto's very being.

It really was too late.

He didn't want to become a replacement. He felt disturbed when Makoto called out not his name, but Haruka's.

And immediately, he knew. No matter how many times he tried, no matter how many times he wished, Makoto would never see Rin the same way he saw Haruka.

But he was willing to throw himself away for Makoto. He would be Makoto's pretend Haruka, just for that night.

「Makoto...I like you...」

And even though he knew it was a fabrication, he would go through with it. Because it was Makoto. And so, he slowly raised his hand to Makoto's eyes and covered them, further extending the illusion he had created, he pressed his lips against Makoto's, his fingers intertwining with Makoto's in an act of an facade that would soon cause Makoto to probably hate him for.

He was willing to pay the price.

And nobody saw the tears that slipped down his cheeks as Makoto murmured against Rin's lips.

「Haru...」


End file.
